January 2010
53 posts
sobriety blog. need support. →
this is going to be my sobriety blog. if you can share this with your friends and have them follow me. i could really use all and any support possible.
*edit*
Please follow this individual. She’s a member of RNJ and could use a lot of support.
reblog if you'll be sober when the ball drops
genderblahg:
(via emptyveins)
~*~S~*~X~*~E~*~
lol
Hopefully forever.
December 2009
47 posts
i know bad timing like you know loving me for eternity.
i think we’re gonna get married someday.
i’m neglecting what i’m made of. running back to what i should have been created upon. i’ve been numbed, and i’m holding onto everything safe - the tiny substance within my veins.
i’m thinking this deadly poison can work me over and through me, but it can’t defeat me.
staying true to myself, staying true to you.
but most of all, i just want to freely run.
“Let’s get fucked up and die. I’m speaking figuratively, of course,...”
– Thank you Motion City Soundtrack for helping me indulge in my own high. [Bits and pieces of “Let’s Get Fucked Up and Die,” better known as “LGFUAD.”]
you know the moment when your heart races real fast and you feel like you’re breathing faster than you are?
that’s me right now.
panic.
paranoia.
persistent fear.
talk time. 1-2-3.
go.
I’m dysfunctionally awkward in my inner miseries. I’m a lifeless contribution questioning the persuit of li(v)es.
If I documented my day, I’d fall under the cracks and in between the sky line in your eyes.
Ask the other me on another tomorrow.
Priceless conversation.
self conclusion
My mind is settling on the narrow mind. Can’t remember the place I’d rather be, but it’s not here. And I can only remember the setting - the memory is taking me back. I’m falling into this trap of the next morning “wish I hadn’t”s, but begging to cope with a clean mind. It’s easier to think, remember, feel the power you (shouldn’t) hold.
xox,...
colormeloved:
glittercupcakes:
...
i know what happens next.
adifrntstory:
i finally have a best friend i can tell basically everything to. someone i trust with the darker side of my mind. someone who understands me and doesn’t judge me for wanting to get fucked up all the time.
and now she has a new boyfriend.
i think he’s great for her and all, but it’s all gonna end up the same. i’m gonna be put on the backburner…again…and i’m gonna lose my best...
weird christmas.
woke up and cried because of cramps. fuck you, period.
then, i got snowed in the house. another, fuck you weather.
i only smoked a cigarette and a half all day (fuck. now i need one).
then my jewish mother (who called herself my mama) bought me a serenity prayer bracelet.
my parents fought over the wii.
she added me on facebook — i’m not sure why. we were...
it’s never right or ever good enough.
ps: i love you?
still throwing myself under the roof.
intoxicate the evening.
RE: I need to escape
anissaru:
Nothing is ever right anymore. What happened?
I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape. I need to escape....
You know that feeling when your adrenaline kicks in, and ou feel, happy, and scared, and free? Like you’re risking your entire future in a single moment? Like, the world is going faster and slower at the same time and it’s spinning and I’m spinning in opposing directions to give everything a new texture? Like I can delete everything that’s ever happened; like I can take it...
i really want a polaroid camera.
way bad. and in addition, i want film to go with it. that’d be like a dream come true.
Ok,this shit is getting old now
bummfacebee:
Bill is a guy!! Always has been,always will be!! I mean come on.After all these years and your still calling him a girl!! Really,you need a life (:
you have to admit, he does look like a female though. who cares what sex bill is, as long as bill is happy with bill.
i can feel my chest compulsing.
i used to be afraid of good bye.
now i’m just glad that it happened
the way it did.
your weakness was my poison.
and it appears as though i’ve
taken you down in more ways
than you can imagine.
maybe i was too forward,
but maybe you were too far behind.
couldn’t wish on the easier moments
to break this down,
take this down,
bury me...
bummfacebee:
In my “Animal Crossing;Lets Go To The City” game for my wii,i live next to a cat named Tom,who loves girls,and a duck named Bill,who’s actually very shy.This game is just epic xDD
I’m praying that mine is under the tree. 6 days. too long.
my photo journal →
My goal is to post a photo everyday that I have taken to elaborate on my day. Whether it’s something that I see, something I’m doing, or the way I feel. But, it’ll always be something I take. I just feel as though this is going to be a good way to document my life.
she’s cutting to cure,
to cope, to feel remote.
she’s slicing the pain
in half, with less effort.
dignity left the scene,
along with the story
she was once telling.
the story she’s chained.
keep smiling,
faking every thing -
we’re just bipolar-ly
diseased.
I wish there was such thing as “sleep easy.” Especially since dreaming occupies ninety percent of your sleep, and my dreams are corrupted with my minds’ insecurities. Seems easier to rest the imagery, but a picture is worth a thousand words and we’re a giant puzzle trying to fit the pieces together to solve life’s greatest mystery.
Vulnerability. The darkness traps our thoughts; makes us feel invisible.
so many words i can’t yet release.
my fingers a lock-box with no code,
begging to be let go.
you’re consuming me,
confusing me,
using me to please me.
holding me accountable
for your needs,
holding me to prevent
the leaving I speak of.
keep me patiently
hiding in your dreams,
i’m found lying,
in your mind i’m seen.
promise me
you’ll stop trying
to beat me down,
turn me around,
pull me down,
keep me proud.
don’t hide me
in your dreams,
...
i still can’t decipher if home is where the heart is. it’s certainly where my head is at, but i’m soon gonna be wishing on the reverse. but there’s no undo in real life settings, and i’m waiting on a moments time to discover what i really want with everything cycling my brain. pause. stop. (r)eject.
i’m stuck in the past, as usual.
can’t differentiate from what i missed, and what i could have had.
still not sure if this is what i want, but i’m sure to find out within a moments time.
keep me dreaming, and wishing ; heart racing on the verdict.
keep ‘em coming, pound ‘em back, i’m watching you from afar,
begging for your hips.
at the end of my line. time to get over and on with my life. None of this is working out right and it’s falling victim to my mind.
thank you svu.
calculating living
You’re a misfit in a dozen roses. Lying the path for your own self misery. Cheating the game of distance and sending false ‘i love you’s. You’re not the one I thought you were so long ago. My thoughts flow in you like the plaguing days of best friends and truthful conversations. I won’t stop to play your game unless I’m making a prime point. You’re my...
you dropped the l bomb like it was a casual occurrence in our life.
i’m still confused as to the world’s surroundings.
trees used to be green and fog used to be beautiful and now i’m staring into my own abyss. this teenage angst, you’re fighting for another year to say anything.
complicating you is easier than my complicated mind.
love the insides.
you’re my movie reel flying by faster and slower at the same time. holding me in a trance that i’m awaiting to depart to a new scene. you’re keeping my focus out of fear. these are the nights when the movie feels like the moment in my life that i gave up. the moment in time when i gave in to dedicating a new story line. the safe three years i’ve been venting. you’re...
i still care, even if we only talk once every lifetime.